Thanks Pandemic

I went to teacher’s college. I graduated last Spring. I went because I wanted my English degree to be useful to me. Throughout my undergrad I had dug my heels in when people asked me if I was taking English because I wanted to be teacher. It seemed like they had no idea why anyone would love to simply just read and study English literature. I definitely did not want to be a teacher.

I was an avid reader growing up. My parents labelled me their “university child” when I was quite young. I knew I could not let them down. I had all the characteristics of the bookish nerd from a TV show. With glasses, braces, and the social awkwardness of the painfully shy I was on my way to making my parents proud. However, beyond reading and writing I was not especially gifted in any particular subject. So I majored in English literature and cultural studies.

The idea to go to teacher’s college came to me in the middle of the night while I was writing in my diary. I remember I was agonizing over what I was going to do with my life and if I was going to stay with my parents forever and ever. Then, as if I had never heard of the concept before, it came to me. Teacher’s college. It was a Eureka moment. I looked into it and started volunteering at my old high school to get enough volunteer hours to get in.

Here’s what I did not expect at all. I loved being in the classroom. I loved being connected to the students and helping them. I remember every student I worked with. In my placements I was mesmerized by the same energy. The buzz of the classroom when students are learning is awesome. Teacher’s college was fun.

Cut to March 2020. I was in my third placement. The teachers are talking about striking after March break and if the break will be extended for ten days and if that means that the student teachers will have to stay for ten days longer after. I was worried about it because I was not getting along very well with my associate teacher and I did not want the placement to drag on.

I was at work at my part-time job at the grocery store when the pandemic was announced and that the schools would remain closed after March break. The store was insane that night and every night after. At my placement the next day we went over how to wash our hands and asked the students if they were excited for an extended holiday. The strike was now old news, I was not even thinking about planning lessons. I was only concerned with getting home to help my parents prepare for lockdown and talk about what lockdown meant for my relationship.

I did not do anything at all that first few weeks of the pandemic. I don’t know anyone who did. I was a little relieved because my life had been so go go go that I needed a break to do nothing at all. I finally got to spend days on end working on puzzles and colouring books.

Finally I started picking up more shifts at the grocery store. I had been there for almost ten years and I wanted to help out my managers. Everyone was taking leaves of absence so I got to have as many hours as possible. I was working full-time hours for part-time pay.

I reduced my hours a couple of weeks ago. I had been doing forty hours a week since June. That is really is not that much, that’s just a work week. However, my shifts are not regular. My schedule is always changing. I cannot get into a routine, not even with a sleep schedule. I was spending all day most days at the grocery store. If this were not a pandemic it would be bad enough because people are generally not their best selves when they’re grocery shopping. It really takes a toll on the workers. However, this was a pandemic so it was even worse. People are more irritable and rude. The day I decided it was time to reduce my hours and find another job I spent the whole day crying because a customer had yelled at me for ten minutes for something that I could not help her with or was even the fault of the store. It was not related to me or my work at all and that is what broke me. I was being used as a public punching bag and getting paid minimum wage for it (they took away our premium about two months after the premier had announced that we would be getting it).

I have the pandemic to thank for me writing this now. I have the pandemic to thank for giving me the nerve to find a job that I might like to do. All my life I knew I wanted to be a writer and I never had an inkling as to what that might entail or how I would start. Now, thanks to the pandemic, I am starting. I recently got a job as a tutor and I am so excited to start teaching again. I’m back down to part-time hours at the grocery store. I’m following my dreams. I did not think I ever would. I was so worried I would let myself stay at the grocery store forever. Thanks to the pandemic, I’m not going to get to that 11 year mark.